i wish i was five

how i wish i was back to my childhood..
where things were less complicated..
where everything's just a game..
where crying was just a part of tantrums..
and where tantrums can make us get what we want ...

don't we all wish to go back?

back to tha days where the only pain we know are insect ants,

back to the days where everything we want is being taken care of b y our parents..

Don't we all wish we were 5 again..

"POETA NASCITUR, NON FIT"
a poet is born, not made

hurting deeply

i hate myself for unconsciously waiting for your return when i know that it will never happen.
i hate looking at your pictures, its making my heart beat so fast that im afraid it will just pop out from my chest.
i hate reading your old messages, they are the left evidences of how beautiful my life had been with you.
i hate reading your testimonials, it brings memories that i desperately want to continue.
i hate thinking about you, you give me millions of reason to sigh.
i hate looking at our pictures, it tells me that we were both happy, in contrary with what you said that you're faking it.

you gave me fulfillment and now emptiness.
i am hurting deeply honey.
i am waiting in vain for your return.

i hate hoping but unconsciouslly doing it.
no one can ever replace you in my heart.
you are my soulmate.
my first love.
my true love.
how can you expect me to move on?



there are thing that's hard to let go especially when you know in your heart that its the only thing you need to be happy, and that its the only thing that will make you real happy.

lost kitten

im tired..
physically,
mentally,
emotionally.
i have a story about my pet. it's a kitten that i love so much. it was a gift to me during the time when i felt all alone in my boring little shabby world. the kitten is not the sweetest kitten in the world. though, for some reason, it completes me in ways i do not know. its hollow without my kitten. as if im a pillow deprived with soft feathers. i am empty without it. i took care of the kitten, give it all the love i have. i tried to understand my kittens shortcomings. i tried to do everything to make it happy, so it will stay with me forever. but just recently, the kitten left me..for reasons that until now, i do not fully understand (not that kittens can explain theirselves).
i cannot explain the feeling of losing it..
at first denial,
then anger,
then sorrow..
sadness..
loneliness..
emptiness..
everything is hollow.
everything is meaningless.
my friends took pity on me and gave me a new one. a sweet little kitten who does everything to make me smile. somehow it helps me forget my old pet, but deep in me the longing is still there. this new kitten is getting much and much of my attention..but im being unfair to it because im not fully giving it myself..a big chunk of me is yearning for my old pet. then the million dollar question came: would you rather love someone who completes you or someone who loves you completely? (blame my addiction of tv).
i dont have answers..
only time has..
but i just want to tell my old pet that i miss having him or rather it.
shimshi my lost kitten.
will you ever come back and fill my pillows with feathers?
im crossing my fingers. im trusting you.